i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
