They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
