I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
