hotel room ftw
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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