If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
