He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
