Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
only if we run a train.
done.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
