True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
