What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
