Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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