I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
