I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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