Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
