Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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