i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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