I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
