I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
