Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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