Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
