You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
