Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
