TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You took a bar mat shot.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
