Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
