I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
