Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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