I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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