I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
