Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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