Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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