Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
