so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
