Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
