He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
