think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
