Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
