He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
