I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
