I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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