Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
