getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
