While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
