the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
