Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
