thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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