We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
