Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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