She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
