I think I am morally bankrupt
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
