Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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