I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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