and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
