Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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