This is not my ceiling
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
