if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
