I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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