someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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