fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.