I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............