The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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