Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
