I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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