I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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