guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
