Your tits are I can't wait for
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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