Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
