I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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