he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
