i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
