anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
