The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
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They have beer where we have blood.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
there is glitter all over my balls
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