I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
