Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
