they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
